bell talked about heartbreak in the last chapter.
today, i'm not going to put much time adding my own commentary. i think he does enough.
"anytime we move toward another in any way, we are taking a risk. a risk that she may say no. our gesture may not get returned. our invitation may be rejected. our love may not be reciprocated.
there's a scene in the song of songs, where the woman sees her lover and he's coming towards her. but when he makes it to her house, he can't get in...and what is this chap saying to her? he says, 'arise my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.' he's inviting her to a new life. a life with him.
do you see the terrifying spot this puts her in?
what if it doesn't work out?
what if he isn't who he appears to be?
what if he's making the pitch to girls all over town?
what if he hits her?
what if he goes to war next year and doesn't return, ever?
what if her family doesn't think he's right for her, and she goes anyway and it doesn't work out?
love is risky.
heartbreak is a universal feeling because we're feeling something as old as the world. something god feels.
the bible begins with god making people who have freedom. freedom to love god or not to love god. and these people consistently choose not to love god. it's written in genesis 6:6 that god 'regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.'
a heart that feels.
that responds.
that hurts.
that fills with pain.
god...grieving.
god takes this giant risk in creating and loving people, and in the process god's heart is broken.
again and again and again.
divine heartbreak.
love is handing your heart to someone and taking the risk that they will hand it back because they don't want it. that's why it's such a crushing ache on the inside.
we gave away a part of ourselves
and it wasn't wanted.
if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how god feels.
the cross is god's way of saying, 'i know what it's like.'
the cross is god taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too."
this is the god who holds out his hands and asks, 'would you like to see the holes where the nails went? would that help?'
the danger is that you will decide it isn't worth it. why risk if it's going to hurt like this? the tragedy would be for you to shut down, to allow a wall to be built around your heart, and for something within you to die.
a decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again.
but if god can continue to risk, then maybe we can too.
love is risky for god too."
my heartbreak is divine. but it's closing my gap between god and me. he knows how i have felt.
that's why i'm trusting him. to give me the courage to risk again. and maybe a third time. as many times as it takes. with every broken relationship, every broken heart, regarding more than a high school sweetheart or a mom or a best friend. it's all inclusive.
it's every moment i have given a part of myself away
and it wasn't wanted.
love is risky.
