rain

i love you.

we're gonna make it.

dad knows the way home.

home

sleep, don't weep, my sweet.

i hope i find a place where i feel that i belong.

sometimes i just bask in me. just me. and i forget about the good around me. so yes, maybe i could have stayed in love. or maybe my best friend could be closer. or maybe i would have been prettier or more secure or more vibrant if my mom would have stayed. but now it doesn't matter.

cause it isn't about me, is it?

jarred is joining our family in may. i have never seen my sister so happy. wedding dress shopping - it's true what they say about a blushing bride. she glows. she is brilliant. she is overcome with love, it makes me weak. i have never loved her more than when she is in love. jarred lifts her up to her highest. he makes her whole. he loves her.

and i feel them.

like nathan and maleah. they say that home is where the heart is. maleah is nathan's home. nathan is maleah's home. they shelter each other. they hold hands and hold hearts. they make people feel alive with their laughter and love. it's invigorating and intoxicating and too much for me to hold.

but the best is yet to come...

april 21.

i gotta make it there quickly.

because there is a baby in rachel's precious tummy. and it's growing and changing everyday and i want to watch it. i want to hold it. i want to love it so bad. i already do. i'm anticipating every moment, even half way across the country.

baby, i don't know your name or your favorite color or the silly things you will do when you're little. i don't know how fast you will learn to color in the lines or how thick your hair will be or if you will be quiet like your mom or obnoxiously loud like your dad. i don't know who your first crush will be or what bands you will listen to or if you'll like skinny jeans and v-necks or move on to better trends. but i love you already. so much i can't control it. i will be proud of you even when you fall off your bike. and i will laugh with you even when your friends are mean. and i will love you unconditionally. and i will try to teach you about jesus. and i will try to be the best me for you. and i won't ever let you feel unloved.

how did we get so far.

and how do we get back home.