the fountainhead

ugh.

i'm missing what i never had.

am i ever going to have that subconscious dream? will i ever grasp it? was it ever meant to happen? maybe. maybe not.

read the fountainhead. ignore rand's atheism.

"she could not have reached this white serenity except as the sum of all the colors, of all the violence she had known."

"why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? it's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. and it takes the greatest kind of courage. i mean, what we really want."

"i breathe for my own necessity, for the fuel of my body, for my survival...i've given you, not my sacrifice or my pity, but my ego and my naked need..."

"i think the only cardinal evil on earth is that of placing your prime concern within other men."

"...that love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. not a bandage for dirty sores. but they don't know it. those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who've never felt it. they make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. once you've felt what it means to love as you and I know it--the total passion for the total height--you're incapable of anything less."

"a building has integrity, just as a man and just as seldom."

"she thought how strange it would be if she ever said "hello" to him; one did not greet oneself each morning."

"and that's the sin that can't be forgiven-that i hadn't done what i wanted."

slow down.