i will be found by you

this is the world as we know it.

this is goodbye gravity, you no longer keep me grounded. 

2 weeks, 4 days until this is not my bed any longer. 

it's kind of hard to wrap my head around that. even with explosions in the sky and sigur ros playing in the background, the boldness of that very statement hasn't settled yet. am i ready for that?

am i?

eff. 

i want to say more, but my head is consumed with college. i feel typical. but we'll move on.

come thou fount of every blessing

tune my heart to sing thy grace

streams of mercy never ceasing

call for songs of loudest praise

jesus saught me when a stranger

wandering from the fold of god

he to rescue me from danger

interposed his precious blood

oh, to grace how great a debtor

daily i'm constrained to thee

let that grace now like a fetter

bind my wandering heart to thee

prone to wander, lord i feel it

prone to leave the god i love

here's my heart, oh take and seal it

seal it for thy courts above

i want to be at the place where i can raise my ebenezar, my "stone of help." it's harder than you think, because i'm prone to wander, prone to leave the god i love. i come to this place in christianity where i think it's ok to stall. when god is moving, and i'm actually backing away, telling him this is enough. god, why do i do that? why do you let me do that? 

where did i run for so long? where did i go? 

back to you, so you can dwell in me richly. so i can experience your peace. so i can be different. so i can be better. so i can be free.

i think for a long time, i didn't know what peace was, beyond an annoying symbol twelve year old girls seem to be obsessed with. "the peace of christ." someone asked me what that was. 

so first, i think we have to define what peace is. 

peace is a calming.

peace is understanding.

peace is a security.

peace is a friend.

peace is a savior.

peace is a comforter.

peace is a healer. 

chris seidman says that peace is not the absence of fear, but god present in the storm.

so what peace do we have in our lives?

we have peace that he heals us.

peace that he forgives us.

peace that he provides for us.

peace that he has eternal life for us.

peace that he knows us.

peace that he created us.

peace that he embraces us.

peace that he bears our burdens.

peace that he has a purpose for us.

my god is big.

"let the peace of christ rule in your hearts." -colossians 3:15

"seek peace and pursue it." -psalm 34:14

"a heart at peace gives life to the body." -proverbs 14:30

"for he himself is our peace." -ephesians 2:14

 

right now, i'm struggling to see god's peace. to be honest, i just don't know where i'm headed. the location, maybe. but the path...i don't know what god has for me. so my peace comes from this. i have to have faith in this. i have to trust in this. i have to believe in this...

"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

please don't stop there...keep going...

then you will call upon me and come and pray to me...

run back to god...

and i will listen to you.

you will seek me and -find me- when you seek me with your whole heart.

i will be found by you.

that is when my peace will come. when i quit wandering from the god i love. when i seek him. i will find him.

and jesus said, "peace i leave with you; my peace i give you."