i'm so good at running.

my freshman year of high school, i was ranked top 3 in state in three events in track. i was 15 and i was awkward and i was fast. i didn't even have to practice - my coaches could care less if i did the entire sprinters' workout or not - i was going to win regardless.

but it's like the running became more than just the asphalt, more than the red turf - i started running from things, i started running to things. and i was good at it.

"so when you run, make sure you run to something and not away from."

i ran from emotions, i ran from situations, i ran from people.
i ran to passions, i ran to outlets, i ran to safe relationships.

and don't get me wrong, the running toward passions and outlets and safe relationships is great, chasing after dreams and what not. it's just like the races, when i would round the final curve and chase after the girl ahead of me. i never lost.

but i forgot to tell you how much i hated running. it was exhausting and monotonous. it didn't bring all this joy and freedom that people talk about, the release wasn't there. i was so good at running, but i hated every second of it.

so the running away...that's what i'm scared of - the fact that i'm too good at it, but i hate it. it's exhausting running from people. it's monotonous, and it hurts. but i keep running, i keep pulling out of reach.

"disappear from your hometown, find the people that you know.
show them all your good parts, leave town when the bad ones start to show."

i start sprinting when the bad ones start to show. and i'm so good at it...




maybe one day i'll stop for a while and breathe.